(no subject)

I feel like I probably talk about the same things over and over on here lately (lately being over a course of a couple years now). I feel like this is probably a bad sign. Perhaps an obvious indication of the very stagnation I've been repeatedly complaining about.

I really miss LJ, yet I kinda feel like it can't be what it was in the past...

I used to spend a lot of time writing these entries. I'd sit at the computer for hours, juggling an entire essay in my head, distracting myself with the internet, trying to crank out the next sentence. Many of my posts took me a week or more to write. Oftentimes I'd just open the page and leave it open all day before I finally started actually writing something around dinnertime. Today is no exception.

Now I stop and think, man, how did I ever have that kind of time? It's not just work and responsibilities getting in the way. It's social pressures as well. And it's a vastly shortened attention span. Really, I feel like my attention span has just fallen to pieces lately.


I don't know... I have a lot to say, but I feel like I have a harder time saying it. I feel like... I've kinda learned and grown embarrassed by how big of an outspoken dork I used to be, but instead of learning not to be such a dork I just learned to stop talking.

I've had a lot of life experiences in the two or three years since I posted regularly. Since everyone kinda stopped doing the LJ thing and so posting to LJ didn't mean anything for my social life anymore (At least, the friends I was closest with and enjoyed sharing with the most don't post anymore). Part of the appeal of LJ was that it was kind of a social thing. It was the perfect medium for me to express myself because it allowed me to talk to people at my own pace without thinking about it too much where thinking about things too much improved the quality of communication instead of detracting from it.  I occasionally make stumbling attempts to use Facebook in a similar manner, but... I just can't be as intimate or candid there.  It's too public and too short-form.  And a straightforward personal blog puts too much of the spotlight on me.  It's a responsibility to maintain.  It's not a community, and it's also too public for a lot of what I want to say.  (maybe I could stand to speak my introspection a little more publicly.)

I have a lot of issues to work out, and this has been the most effective source of therapy in the years.  But... it's gotten awkward when so many of the problems to work out involve the very people reading this.  I've said a few things I shouldn't have on this journal, and I think that sort of embarrassed me out of posting for a while...


Anyway....  I kind of need this.  I want to try writing more again. I need to work these thoughts out of my head again, even if the people I want to talk to most don't even read it anymore.
I need to learn to write more efficiently, and spend less time staring into space.  I hope I can condense the time a little and still maintain the same level of elegance and introspection.  I feel like this post was still kind of a thought-vomit.

I kinda wonder now... why did everyone else stop posting here?  Did Facebook usurp blogging communities like LJ?  Is it just that life's responsibilities get in the way?  Does the appeal of updating our lives online like this just start to dwindle as we get older?